Do you find yourself at times, so afraid and full of fear?
If you do we are on the same boat. I would like to quote a scholar before I proceed, The Late psychologist Jeanne Knutson.
One never erases the identity of a victim. The first blows make the victim permanently on guard for the next attack.
Now let me try break down the above within the context of what I am blogging on this Monday morning! its around 1:50 am (i have exams oops, Data Modelling and Design). The victim is me, as it could be you, when life challenges us with lose, misfortune, tragedy be it our own doing or otherwise, like me i found it necessary to being on guard at all time in full fear of what has occurred previously. And as time moved on I acquired a new life, a better one, one more focused and peaceful and still the fear loomed, everyday I am afraid of losing the people in my life, the opportunities in my life and the blessings God offers. I am lucky that in this new life there are people who encourage me, like my family and my princess, that losing once does not mean i will keep losing but i should focus on what is right and what needs to be done.
The Reason I talk of this fear is that, encouraging it makes you always defensive even in issues just trivial, issues you can overcome without too much melodrama. This fear is mostly fueled by regret or frustrations in the journey of life. And it affects very ambitious people who believe that the more effort they put in whatever they do in life, the reward should be equivalent. But this is not how life works. The mistakes in our life or the hurdles we face are supposed to be tutors, lecturers in life of how we ought to have done and should now do. we lose opportunities or good and nice people in our life because of the fear we let rule our heart. Life can be cruel and unfair including the people in it. We need to know this first, and the mistakes that we do should teach us how not to do it again, so we do not suffer that guilt, because from where i am this guilt inside is made from fear, you afraid of the consequence of your actions. Sometimes we fall, caught off guard and your reaction can be radioactive! with a cruel fall out that may harm you and others. Staying down will hurt you more, but picking your self up and facing that fear despite what might have happened will define a warrior ready to will a battle.
Fear makes you jealous, fear makes you petty and unfair, fear makes you selfish that you only think of yourself and protecting you. letting go that fear makes you realize how really people care for you. You do not have to fear to fail or lose. Do what needs to be done to keep you afloat.
I regret at times of decisions i made in my life, the repercussions were hard, there was too much shame and regret. Too much Fear. but i stopped, and turned around, and from that labyrinth of confusion and madness, i wriggled my way out,and as i was doing so, i found a place of peace and comfort, a place to breathe some fresh air. I am still afraid, but i try not to mess it all up again. My Girlfriend Ida has been good to me. She has seen me through my lowest moments, and I have given myself whole to her because she was like an angel sent to me, to guide me. Mutually we have struggled get over our fears, our conflicts at times were heated, we were both struggling and afraid of losing each other that we both hurt. Personally i would never let her go, never, I overcame this fear, so did she and she has done so well even in a professional life. She never left my side, I struggled too and seeing her really reaching out to pull me from my madness, i had to swallow my fear and join her. I am not perfect but i am working so hard to be better, and i want the same for you who is reading this.
Know that when you need to let go that fear, is when this fear will come between you and those you cherish and love or that job you really want. Princess prayed for me even when I went hysterical, and she would manage to calm me down, help me get rid of the fear and focus on what is really important. She inspired this article, she made me realize how far I had come, how much I meant to her and my family and I would like to quote her when she told me
Do not Fear.